So maybe I'm turning sentimental...

But I make no secret of it: I love Christmas. I love feeling like a little kid again, unpacking the boxes from the attic and putting up decorations. I love stringing up tangled fairy lights all around the house. I love watching Mum get all the Christmas card precariously balanced on the sideboards. I love over-eating until your trousers are too snug to be comfortable.

I love getting up at 6am with my brother and getting the stockings down from above the fireplace and emptying them out our parents' bed while they wake up and complain.

I love tearing paper off presents with rabid enthusiasm. I love giving presents to others and seeing them beam. I love the way that my parents are so sleepy that they don't argue until at least 10am.

I love Mum's annual panic about turkey and her failed attempts at gravy. I love my Gran's insistence on doing everything, despite the fact that we stopped eating at her house because it was too much stress for her. I even love the way she always asks me why I'm not having turkey and refers to my pescatarianism as "a phase" (which has so far lasted 4 years).

I love seeing my great-aunt, who I see twice a year, makes a habit of insulting me and my beliefs, and then smiling indulgently at me and saying she loves me and is proud of me.

... No, wait a minute, I hate that bit. And come to think of it I hate being bugged about not being turkey.

And I hate getting presents I didn't ask for which I didn't ask for for a reason: because I didn't want them.

I hate the way we have to squish together on too few seats, and I have to sit on the floor or offer cake or just be a good little hostess girl and offer cake and tea.

And I hate the inevitable arguments about the petty trivial things and the way everyone just gets riled up and at each other's throats.


And despite all that, I still love Christmas. Merry Christmas, everybody, and have a fucking awesome new year - I know I will, because I'll be in Portsmouth partying with Vikki, Kelly and Annie, and six Welsh BAAAASTAAARDS!

Chin up, all, it's nearly Christmas!